Sunday, July 19, 2009

Heel or Hell?

I have to go to a wedding tomorrow. And guess what?

I'm going to wear high heels.

And that's exactly what I told my friend.

Danya: Guess what?
Samar: What?
Danya: I'm going to wear heels.
Danya: Well, small heels.
Danya: But heels, nonetheless.
Samar: Noooo you'll trip!

SoI copy/pasted the first part into an MSN conversation with my friend Fati (because I was too lazy to type it again?)

And her reaction was a ":O" and a "Just try not to trip, okay?"

Feeling very discouraged, I went back to my conversation with Samar on Gmail.

Danya: WALK
Danya: Ahem
Danya: Duck*

(Ah. Serious bouts of Typose Syndrome. What's one to do?)

So after she was done laughing at me and changing her Facebook status to "Samar salutes Danya the Duch," she again graced me with a loving, "Seriously, just try not to trip."

Man, I need to learn how to walk in heels. Or I will forever remain 73% of a man. (That's what the Facebook quiz I took said, anyway. I normally avoid these quizzes like the plague, but I was bored witless and wanted to see the results. 73% man! I am NOT satisfied!)

What's the point of high heels, really? How do women do it? How do they balance their weight on those tiny pointy little stick things? It just seems to defy gravity, to me.

Not that I'm a big believer in physics, but that's another story.

Once, I was at this party, right. And everyone –EVERYONE!- was wearing those scary sky-high heels, while I pranced around in my lil flats.

So anyway, past midnight, when everyone's feet were sore (except mine :]), they kicked off their heels and chillaxed on the chairs. (Chillaxed. I'm so hip it's scary.)

So anyway. I was all, "Y'all wanna laugh?"
They go, "Sure!"

So I wore one of my friend's high heels and attempted to walk.

But really I could get no further than the spot I was standing in, and I was just swaying there and nearly toppling over. But I kept standing - always a stubborn fighter – attempting to regain my balance – and dignity.

Unfortunately, I eventually lost both.

Do you think people offer How to Walk in High Heels lessons?



Samar said...

you're making me the source of all your jokes aren't you?
OK danya, i'm scared over your safety. You really should fight over not wearing it.
Want lessons? ah well, you'd kill yourself in first session xD

Danya A. said...

No it was my choice :P My dress is the has-to-go-with-heels type.

I'm worried about my safety too.

I'll just sit all the time. What else can you do anyway? Either sit and eat, or dance.

Takes no genius to realize I choose A. Laziness + Food combined.

My two loves.

Fatima said...

Samar tlbseen heels :|?

Danya, I like this.

There, I commented :D!

Sara said...

ahhhhhhh!!! I hate high heels :).. I never wore them (I only did to make fun of the way I walk lama albs-hum)... and I am too scared to trip and fall 3la wjhe :).. + I consider them torture machines for ur feet! GOOD LUCK! :p

Danya A. said...

LOL Fati! Eee don't you remember? bl DJ party? Samar wore heels :P

Cruel world. Samar, the ungirliest girl, can walk in heels, but I can't.

And thank you -_- What a daunting task it must have been for you.

Danya A. said...

Sara mdry eish bnswii b ta5arrujna? Flats? You and me? All the way? Okay.

JJ said...

I'm still too mad at you to tell you how much you made me laugh.

Samar said...

Fatima! :|
I'll take that as an insult.

summer said...

poor dany <3
i can give u lessons !!!!
but i fear 4 ur safety
i love u 2 much
so i wont
im sure ull understand

The Half Assed Housewife said...

I don't even own a pair of heels. I am too big of a klutz any way. Heels would just increase the problem exponentially.

Anonymous said...

when and whos number?

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. Heeels! It's beautiful torture I tell you :P !!

A "cheery" disposition said...

haha what a great post. They should offer those type of lessons. It is hard to walk in high heels and look good doing it. I am not much for them but when i do where them.. I feel more sexy and my legs always look better.

Jumana said...

Did you wear them yet? :P
good luck! im so proud of you hahahaha
omg, you should see the crazy women here! they wear very very high heels! the scariest thing is ZARA!! I had a very hard time finding reasonable high heels for graduation :P
5othe ma3ake a first aid kit to the wedding "just in case you know ;)"
i love youuuuuuu

Ghost Writer said...

Loving the post :D I'm sure you look great in heels..the more u practice, the better at it you'll get and u'll feel UBER sexy next time you prance around :)

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Very funny. I like your courage to wear heels. I think you're born with the ability or not, but you can certainly learn.

Danya A. said...

Half-assed (god that made me laugh) this was my first pair! And I regret buying them.

Ahmed.. Beautiful? Really? Not when I'm wearing them. I somehow manage to morph something "sexy" into "just another way to prove what a major klutz I am and that I never will be a true lady."

Cheery: "It is hard to walk in high heels and look good doing it." For me, it's virtually impossible.

Jeve (so much better than Brangelina), I was definitely born without the ability. Luckily enough, I was blessed with another ability. I'm dyslexic when it comes to learning how to walk in heels.

Danya A. said...

Oops, Ghost Writer, missed your comment. Prance around? Really? I'll have wrinkles and a hunched back by the time I can prance around in heels. Though, by then, my old age will probably prohibit me from doing so anyway.

Danya A. said...

Jumana, missed yours too :P Yes I wore them! I'll write about it now. I don't know what I'll do in our ta5arruj........ shkly bkon il w7eda illy blbs flats 8-)
I love you too.
I hate that you're not coming to visit before college >:/
Ah can't wait till December <3

Julia said...

I have such a hard time wearing heels. I went out the other night and wore some real tall ones though. I was proud! (and I didn't even trip)

Faris said...

You could always go for the "High Heels for Dummies"... Since everything u need in life comes in those yellow handbooks.. hahaha

Actually.. as a guy.. "Who am I to speak, I hate those things" but I think that here, in the greatest land on God's green earth, Saudi Arabia, heels have two perposes:

I. It's a good weapon for self defence... Ok , good weapon for self... Ok, good weapon PERIOD!

II. It shows that are women are no different from other women around the world, don't be fooled by our ninja suits, OR I'LL SHOW YOU THE HEEL,, Which takes us back to point I.

Sara said...

Just stumbled upon your blog and it's quite entertaining. Don't worry about the heels, dear. They may seem unnnatural at first; wear 'em a few times and you'll never want to take them off :)