Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Never Again

“I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot”
~ Marilyn Monroe

Dear Marilyn:

You're quite right. We can't ever repay the debt we owe him. However, lately I've been known to show my appreciation towards people I love by strangling them with their own intestines. They always seem to get how much I care, once I do that – They turn blue with gratitude. Do give me a call if you're interested.


So, folks, I quite obviously wore the heels.

I can't say it was awful, per se.
You be the judge.

30 minutes through the wedding:
My toes felt so scrunched up I worried I'd have to get them amputated.
This just proves my point, really:
Wearing heels is going against nature, and an unnatural position to put your body through.

3 hours through:
I'd stumbled quite often, but both my ankles are fine and unsprained :)

I did have an accident though. Well, two accidents, actually. Not my fault though. Well, the second one wasn't.

Accident #1

I tripped on my own feet (nothing new). I didn't fall, but my right foot's heel went into my left foot and left a deep gash there. It didn't hurt much, though……
Well, that brings us to Accident #2.

Accident #2

It was time for the buffet, and people were swarming around the salad bar like caged animals that were just set into the wild. This lady bumped into me (and not vice versa, I swear), and her salad-dressing-drenched spoon went flyyyying in the air……
I saw it all happen in slow motion, and I could honestly hear horror music playing in my head…...
Because the spoon was slowly descending…
Towards my left foot……...
Right on the deep deep gash.

It burned like Dante's Inferno for around 5 minutes. But then I was fine.

5 hours through, at 3 am (welcome to the world of Saudi weddings):

I just couldn't care less. I kicked my heels off and passed out on a couch, jumping awake every 5 minutes when the kids kept throwing water-soaked roses at me.

I wish they didn't like me so much. I should start being mean to them.


Anonymous said...

Other than the "wanting to amputate your toes"feeling, doesn't your back kill you while wearing high heels?

summer said...

wish i couldve been there !!!!
hows the deep deep gash ?
awwww ull be ok
& if u rnt ill hunt that woman down
& u SHOULD start bein mean 2 kids or ull always be their favrite toy

i love youuuu xox

Ghost Writer said...

Lol, I don't know whether to laugh or cry...!!!

Anonymous said...

Omg f
Danya LMAO like hell!! I swear to God I was literally laughing and cried. Real tears danya, I kid you not.
My dad kept glancing at me every second with a "weirdooooo" expression on his face.
You blog, your brain, your writing and all of you are epic. Epically funny.

Aaaaah if only I were there to see those...
You know how funny tripping is mwahaha
Ma7jooz next time u go to a wedding I'm coming :)

One last thing. You just proved my theory of you and balance issues.

Lmao again
I love you :)

Danya A. said...

Ahmed, nawh my back was fine :P

Summer, I'll try being mean to them. You should give me courses. Ja ja.

Ghost Writer, cry. Definitely cry. Weep for me. With me.

Samar, you know I can't let you go to a wedding with me. You'll never let your camera go and you'll take videos and pictures of me then blackmail me with them into getting 90% of the shares in our future "mystery" business. And I'm starting to believe I /should/ admit I have balance issues... But I won't. Nup.
I love you too, despite how you mock me :P

Wuthering said...

Being so daring to speak on behalf of the deceased Marilyn, maybe you just haven't found the right pair ;)

Danya A. said...

Wuthering.................. until I learn how to walk in them, there IS no right pair.

JJ said...

LOL ah Dany. Dany, Dany Dany. You rock this world (whenever you fall down while attempting to walk in heels)

- JJ xxx

K @ Blog Goggles said...

Ugh, I hate heels! Since I turned 20, I've pretty much ruled them out.