Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A break

from blogging. I'm taking one :(
It's my last year before uni, and things are insane. I keep saying I declare myself superhuman if I survive the next couple of months. Some things I have to do:

1- Finish off (okay, note to self, stop lying to Self - START) my college list and apply and write the application essays.

2- Work on my Model United Nations issues. I'm going to Singapore in November for an MUN conference. It's kind of like a simulation of the real United Nations. We discuss issues the world is facing, and we write resolutions just like the UN and debate them and stuff. I'm representing the Czech Republic in the Economic and Financial committee. These are the issues I have to research and write resolutions on:
- The right to education: finding solutions to guarantee and finance education in LEDC's.
- Providing adequate financial resources to developing countries dealing with external debt.
- Encouraging macroeconomic policies conducive to environment and development.
- Eradicating poverty through industrial cooperation.
........ I can regurgitate time and I still won't have enough of it.

3- Study for (and take) three SAT subject tests - math, physics, and chemistry.

4- Fill out my CV and chase after teachers for recommendation letters.

5- Work on all the school projects I've got coming up. For my global issues class (loads of mini-projects and one major one), physics (one major one), chemistry (one major one), English (loads of mini-projects and one major one), Arabic (loads), and math (not sure yet).

6- Work on my graduating project. As usual, I've chosen something way beyond my capabilities. I've chosen microcredit. The research itself won't be too bad, but the community service part of it will be. I have to find a person looking to set up a really small business and raise enough money to help them. Then I have to find a mentor who will help my borrower manage his/her money and set up his/her business. I might switch to something else if I can think of something I'm passionate about and simpler (but I kind of really want to do this).

Ummm there's more but I think I've scared you enough already.
So yes, there you have it. My excuse for not blogging.
I'm guessing I'll be back around December/January. I'll try to post stuff occasionally, but if you notice that I've started blogging way too often, please leave me a comment saying,

"You are wasting your life away, you incompetent idiot; you have a future to worry about."

Seriously, copy/paste just that.

But yes.
I'm really going to miss this blog and all the amazing people I've met.
I mean, holy cricket, 50+ followers?!
When I started this blog I was really just expecting 5, tops.
Meaning a few of my friends and my aunt and uncle.
It means a lot to me that you find anything here worth following. Seriously. And your comments always brighten up my day. I'm going to miss them. A whole lot.

But yeh. I need to stay strong, right?!
Wish me luck, okay?

I like you all, very very very very very very much.
(We're not ready for the big L-word yet, and all the commitments it will bring. So it will have to wait. Like a neon pink elephant in the room waiting for its existence to be acknowledged.)

Take care!
I'll be back.
Jus' like Terminator.


Friday, October 9, 2009

I am only

Ok so I went to Bahrain. Highlights:

1- They didn't have Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.
They did, however, have The Final Destination… IN 3-D!
I honestly couldn't say no. And I'm glad I didn't. Because it was friggin amazing. It was the goriest one.
Honestly. Before the opening credits have even rolled, you'll already have seen...
#$%#$SPOILER ALERT%^#$$....
Two people being sliced in half… loads of people being crushed by concrete… people being burned alive… poles and broken pieces of wood slicing through people... umm... a tire flying through the air at turbo speed smashing into a girl's head from behind, leaving her lying on the ground with her head all blown up into smithereens…
Look up 'The Final Destination Nadia's death' on YouTube if you're interested… You know you're dying to.

Anyway. You need to get your butt down to the nearest theater to watch it.
The dialogue is awful, the acting is pathetic, but it's awesome. There's just something in me that secretly likes peeking through my fingers and biting my ring to keep from shouting the vile curse words going through my head when I see blood and guts and intestines.

2- Went to the bookstore again.
My copy of Everything is Illuminated hasn't arrived yet -_- Even though it has been 3 weeks! They said it should arrive next week. But in any case. I bought a book called She by H. Rider Haggard; it looks interesting. Then I went to another mall and I went to the same bookstore (different branch) and bought yet another book. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. It's an addiction. I'm spending all my Eid money on books.

And now! New novel excerpt.
It's a combination of Leila's character, thoughts I've shared with my cousin, and feelings I think all humans are afraid to let themselves feel sometimes. Here goes.

(random, but i was listening to this while i was writing)
The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight


It is another slap in the face from life that I have morphed into the hermit I am today. I - the social butterfly, seemingly excelling in everything I try – would rather be alone than surrounded by a group of people who say they care, but never in quite the way I want them to.
It is also another slap in the face that I've come to realize I don't like being on my own. I don't like being left forlorn with my thoughts. They take me to places, little nooks and corners in my mind that I really don't want to visit… Or, rather, I'm not ready to yet.
I am a loner who doesn't want to be left alone.

Am I really the only person who feels this way? Or do I share these thoughts with other people... with you, but you are just too afraid to voice them?
I think you should. Voice them. You never know, it might end up like that time when you told your best friend in second grade that you are dying soon, because you have a worm in your eye socket that's been twitching on-and-off for two weeks, and it's probably already made one hundred and three holes in your brain, and she said, No, you silly goose! Those are just your muscles! Twitchy eyes are normal!
No, you silly goose… Feeling empty is normal.

So let me ask you.
Do you ever get the feeling that you just don't want to talk to anybody? You're tired of smiling and laughing at jokes and pretending to be happy, but at the same time, you don't understand why you have to fake being happy in the first place, because, last time you checked, nothing in particular was bothering you?

You tiptoe around life. Hardly anything warrants a reaction from anymore. You stage your smiles, your laughs, your tears, your gasps of shock. Facial expressions become difficult for you to arrange, because you feel (or, rather, not feel) the same way about everything.
You run into your old 3rd grade teacher, and she tells you that she remembers you used to be sad and withdrawn all the time. You start to question your childhood, and whether or not you were ever truly happy. You think long and hard about the last time you had a good, genuine belly laugh that rumbled from the center of your very being and made your insides hum… and it scares you that you can't remember.

You start to hate your friends for seeming so… normal. For talking about TV shows you stopped watching; for giving a crap about their future, when you can't seem to bring yourself to care about yours.
You start to feel as if the world is one big theater, and you are just an inexperienced crew member who's been pushed on stage. You are clumsy and awkward; you stumble everywhere you go. You search endlessly for other people who seem to be out of their element, just like you, because you know that'd make them fit perfectly into your own… But you don't find anyone.
Your edges are jagged, but everyone has been artfully mended at the seams. Everyone is pretending to be someone they're not; fitting into their self-assigned personas, playing roles they think they ought to be playing. They listen to "cool" underground bands that'll make them come off as artistic and cultured, regardless of whether or not they actually like the music. They style their hair a certain way and wear clothes that "express their individuality," as if individuality is some sort of ultraviolet beam that's supposed to radiate from strange clothes and funny-looking haircuts.
You begin to stay away from those people, those actors, because no one can get close to you without tearing themselves up trying to fit into the constellation of your jagged edges - and you don't want to hurt those people, who glide gracefully across the stage, seemingly at peace with the characters they've created.

Despite the emptiness, you want to be alone. People have stopped being comforting, but being alone never was – it isn't supposed to be. And that, in a sense, is comforting: at least one thing in life still makes sense.
At least when you're alone, no one keeps asking you what's wrong. No one will refuse to take "I don't know" for an answer. You keep waiting and hoping for the feeling to pass, so you can finally go back to being yourself again… except, for the life of you, you can't remember who that is.
You pass a dusty car on the road, and you notice the message someone has scrawled on the windshield – "I am only." And instead of wondering, "Only what?" You think to yourself, "That is a complete sentence."

I am, only.


fin! So here's the deal. I'm thinking about discarding the whole novel idea (not that I was seriously considering it in the first place) and just sticking to short pieces and thoughts like these - something my fellow blogger and friend Wuthering made me think about. My plot isn't really shaping up, and I don't think most people would appreciate a "novel" that basically consists of thoughts :P
So, 1- What do you think?
2- Ever seen any of the Final Destination movies? Do you like 'em? Or am I just weird?
Take care, lovely people who still read my strange strange blog.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs!

One.. of.. my most favorite.. books.. EVER…


Yes that sums up how I feel pretty nicely.
I am super psyched.
That's two so far!!!!
Where the Wild Things Are and now this!!!
The heavens must love me.

Where the Wild Things Are is coming out really soon.. and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs has been out since September! How haven't I heard about this?

I'm spending the day in Bahrain tomorrow. (Kind of wish I had a BlackBerry now because I have to reply to 348979 Facebook wall posts and messages… but no! I shall not succumb to the machine! No CrackBerries for me!)

I'm praying they'll have Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs at the cinema.

But anyway. When I get back I shall post a new novel excerpt.

p.s. recommend a movie?


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

happy birthday brother!

Annuals - Brother

well it's 3 am, but i wanted to wish my brother a happy birthday.
it's october 6th, and he just turned 15, the little rascal.
i stumbled upon my favorite picture of us the other day.

i was in preschool at the time, and he hadn't started school yet.
but he used to always wake up whenever i did, to keep me company as i waited for my teacher to come pick me up.

he looks so tiny and adorable in that photo.

kind of like now, minus the adorable.
he's still a midget.
it's funny cos his name is Majd.
mix the two words and there you have it - mijet.
so that's what i call him all the time.

come on. it'd take a saint not to take advantage of that.

he's as annoying as a fly hovering around that last piece of chocolate cake you've been craving all day.
he literally goes out of his way just to piss people off.

just a few hours ago i was filling out a college application and he was playing some stupid game on facebook. he paused midway through the game, looked at me, then logged out of facebook and sat down next to me.

"watcha doin'?" he asked.
"ignoring you."
"funny girl. ahh college applications. i see! well, good luck finding a uni that'll accept you.. besides UGM of course."
"... UGM? what the poop?"
"University of Garbage Men, duh."


but anyway. even though we've had plenty of fights that would put hulk hogan to shame, he is still a wonderful brother. this house would be incredibly boring without him.

i remember once, i asked him to move some wires that were all tangled up on the floor, and he just sat there on the sofa, moving his head from side to side.
"majd... what are you doing?"
"... i'm trying to move the wires with my brain and you're disturbing my focus."

the funny thing is, he was quite serious.

i love him so.

(my second favorite picture. i look constipated, he looks like an elf)

happy birthday, brother =)


Saturday, October 3, 2009

When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire

The title is from the beginning of this song which I happen to like.

Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead

(2:58 is my favorite part)

As for my main purpose of this post..

Memories were fine, but you couldn’t touch them, smell them, or hold them. They were never exactly as the moment had been, and they faded with time.

~ Cecilia Ahern
P.S. I Love You

I know that quote clashes horribly with the first quote in my last post, but it kind of reflects how I feel at the moment.

I feel nostalgic, and I want to be a kid again.
I'm worried about forgetting things, so I made a vow to take more pictures, more videos, and write down more memories.

Here are a few, though, that I don't believe I'll ever forget:

1- When I was about 10 years old, my family and I were in Lucerne, Switzerland.
We were at the lake feeding the birds one day, and pretty soon we were down to our last piece of bread, so my older brother Muayyad and I started fighting over it.
He snatched it away from me, crumbled it up, then threw the crumbs at me.
All the swans and ducks literally CHARGED out of the water, and the pigeons attacked me.
They started pecking and nibbling at me like crazy.
I was screaming my head off.
My family was laughing.
A group of people formed a circle around me and watched the free entertainment.
A random Japanese guy pulled out a camera only slightly bigger than his body, took a picture, then walked on.
And after the debacle was over, I noticed that some gracious pigeon left me a smelly gift on my shoulder.
I cried all the way home.

2- When I was 4 years old, that same brother thought it would be a good idea to practice his barber skills on me. He took me to my parents' bathroom and locked the door. He then proceeded to whip out my dad's razor… and shave my head.
Unfortunately my parents didn't take any photos of the bald me.
I wonder why.

3- About a year ago, four of my friends were sleeping over. We got the midnight munchies so we decided to order Domino's Pizza.
We wanted an order of Chicken Kickers.
Except we couldn't remember what they were called. This is how the conversation went.

"So we want… 1 vegetable pizza. 1 cheese pizza. And one Popcorn Chicken please."
"Ummm we don't have those…"
*another girl grabs the phone*
"What do you mean you don't have those? Pop Chicken!"
"Sorry ma'am… We don't have that on our menu."
*another girl grabs the phone*
"She meant Chicken Pop!"
"No ma'am.. I'm pretty sure we don't have that either."
*I get excited because I'm certain I remember what they're called and I grab the phone*
*surge of euphoria*
".................. (silence)"
"… Oh. Guess not…"

4- Then we walked all the way to the main gate of the compound I used to live in, to pick up our order.
We had to pass by the main street.
We got the weirdest looks ever.
Maybe because we all looked a bit like this.

(my sweet sister and I)

We actually put on our pyjama's specifically to walk to the gate dressed like that.

Good times, good times.

That's enough memories for now.
Tell me about one memory you'll never ever forget!