I am only

Ok so I went to Bahrain. Highlights:

1- They didn't have Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

They did, however, have The Final Destination… IN 3-D!

I honestly couldn't say no. And I'm glad I didn't. Because it was friggin amazing. It was the goriest one.

Honestly. Before the opening credits have even rolled, you'll already have seen...

#$%#$SPOILER ALERT%^#$$....

Two people being sliced in half… loads of people being crushed by concrete… people being burned alive… poles and broken pieces of wood slicing through people... umm... a tire flying through the air at turbo speed smashing into a girl's head from behind, leaving her lying on the ground with her head all blown up into smithereens…
Look up 'The Final Destination Nadia's death' on YouTube if you're interested… You know you're dying to.
Anyway. You need to get your butt down to the nearest theater to watch it.

The dialogue is awful, the acting is pathetic, but it's awesome. There's just something in me that secretly likes peeking through my fingers and biting my ring to keep from shouting the vile curse words going through my head when I see blood and guts and intestines.

2- Went to the bookstore again.

My copy of Everything is Illuminated hasn't arrived yet -_- Even though it has been 3 weeks! They said it should arrive next week. But in any case. I bought a book called She by H. Rider Haggard; it looks interesting. Then I went to another mall and I went to the same bookstore (different branch) and bought yet another book. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. It's an addiction. I'm spending all my Eid money on books.

And now! New novel excerpt.

It's a combination of Leila's character, thoughts I've shared with my cousin, and feelings I think all humans are afraid to let themselves feel sometimes. Here goes.

(random, but i was listening to this while i was writing)

The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

-

It is another slap in the face from life that I have morphed into the hermit I am today. I - the social butterfly, seemingly excelling in everything I try – would rather be alone than surrounded by a group of people who say they care, but never in quite the way I want them to.
It is also another slap in the face that I've come to realize I don't like being on my own. I don't like being left forlorn with my thoughts. They take me to places, little nooks and corners in my mind that I really don't want to visit… Or, rather, I'm not ready to yet.
I am a loner who doesn't want to be left alone.

Am I really the only person who feels this way? Or do I share these thoughts with other people... with you, but you are just too afraid to voice them?
I think you should. Voice them. You never know, it might end up like that time when you told your best friend in second grade that you are dying soon, because you have a worm in your eye socket that's been twitching on-and-off for two weeks, and it's probably already made one hundred and three holes in your brain, and she said, No, you silly goose! Those are just your muscles! Twitchy eyes are normal!
No, you silly goose… Feeling empty is normal.

So let me ask you.
Do you ever get the feeling that you just don't want to talk to anybody? You're tired of smiling and laughing at jokes and pretending to be happy, but at the same time, you don't understand why you have to fake being happy in the first place, because, last time you checked, nothing in particular was bothering you?

You tiptoe around life. Hardly anything warrants a reaction from anymore. You stage your smiles, your laughs, your tears, your gasps of shock. Facial expressions become difficult for you to arrange, because you feel (or, rather, not feel) the same way about everything.
You run into your old 3rd grade teacher, and she tells you that she remembers you used to be sad and withdrawn all the time. You start to question your childhood, and whether or not you were ever truly happy. You think long and hard about the last time you had a good, genuine belly laugh that rumbled from the center of your very being and made your insides hum… and it scares you that you can't remember.

You start to hate your friends for seeming so… normal. For talking about TV shows you stopped watching; for giving a crap about their future, when you can't seem to bring yourself to care about yours.
You start to feel as if the world is one big theater, and you are just an inexperienced crew member who's been pushed on stage. You are clumsy and awkward; you stumble everywhere you go. You search endlessly for other people who seem to be out of their element, just like you, because you know that'd make them fit perfectly into your own… But you don't find anyone.
Your edges are jagged, but everyone has been artfully mended at the seams. Everyone is pretending to be someone they're not; fitting into their self-assigned personas, playing roles they think they ought to be playing. They listen to "cool" underground bands that'll make them come off as artistic and cultured, regardless of whether or not they actually like the music. They style their hair a certain way and wear clothes that "express their individuality," as if individuality is some sort of ultraviolet beam that's supposed to radiate from strange clothes and funny-looking haircuts.
You begin to stay away from those people, those actors, because no one can get close to you without tearing themselves up trying to fit into the constellation of your jagged edges - and you don't want to hurt those people, who glide gracefully across the stage, seemingly at peace with the characters they've created.

Despite the emptiness, you want to be alone. People have stopped being comforting, but being alone never was – it isn't supposed to be. And that, in a sense, is comforting: at least one thing in life still makes sense.
At least when you're alone, no one keeps asking you what's wrong. No one will refuse to take "I don't know" for an answer. You keep waiting and hoping for the feeling to pass, so you can finally go back to being yourself again… except, for the life of you, you can't remember who that is.

You pass a dusty car on the road, and you notice the message someone has scrawled on the windshield – "I am only." And instead of wondering, "Only what?" You think to yourself, "That is a complete sentence."

I am, only.

-

fin! So here's the deal. I'm thinking about discarding the whole novel idea (not that I was seriously considering it in the first place) and just sticking to short pieces and thoughts like these - something my fellow blogger and friend Wuthering made me think about. My plot isn't really shaping up, and I don't think most people would appreciate a "novel" that basically consists of thoughts :P

So, 1- What do you think?

2- Ever seen any of the Final Destination movies? Do you like 'em? Or am I just weird?

Take care, lovely people who still read my strange strange blog.

%

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs!

One.. of.. my most favorite.. books.. EVER…

HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A MOVIE!!!!

A;sdfjl;sakfj;lsfjlasjf;lasjdf;laskjdflkajsdlfjasdlfjsdlf
Yes that sums up how I feel pretty nicely.

I am super psyched.
That's two so far!!!!
Where the Wild Things Are and now this!!!
The heavens must love me.

Where the Wild Things Are is coming out really soon.. and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs has been out since September! How haven't I heard about this?

I'm spending the day in Bahrain tomorrow. (Kind of wish I had a BlackBerry now because I have to reply to 348979 Facebook wall posts and messages… but no! I shall not succumb to the machine! No CrackBerries for me!)

I'm praying they'll have Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs at the cinema.

But anyway. When I get back I shall post a new novel excerpt.
Suspense.
Mhm.

p.s. recommend a movie?

%

happy birthday brother!

Annuals - Brother

well it's 3 am, but i wanted to wish my brother a happy birthday.
it's october 6th, and he just turned 15, the little rascal.
i stumbled upon my favorite picture of us the other day.

i was in preschool at the time, and he hadn't started school yet.
but he used to always wake up whenever i did, to keep me company as i waited for my teacher to come pick me up.

he looks so tiny and adorable in that photo.

kind of like now, minus the adorable.
he's still a midget.
it's funny cos his name is Majd.
mix the two words and there you have it - mijet.
so that's what i call him all the time.

come on. it'd take a saint not to take advantage of that.


he's as annoying as a fly hovering around that last piece of chocolate cake you've been craving all day.
he literally goes out of his way just to piss people off.

just a few hours ago i was filling out a college application and he was playing some stupid game on facebook. he paused midway through the game, looked at me, then logged out of facebook and sat down next to me.

"watcha doin'?" he asked.
"ignoring you."
"funny girl. ahh college applications. i see! well, good luck finding a uni that'll accept you.. besides UGM of course."
"... UGM? what the poop?"
"University of Garbage Men, duh."

-_-



but anyway. even though we've had plenty of fights that would put hulk hogan to shame, he is still a wonderful brother. this house would be incredibly boring without him.

i remember once, i asked him to move some wires that were all tangled up on the floor, and he just sat there on the sofa, moving his head from side to side.
"majd... what are you doing?"
"... i'm trying to move the wires with my brain and you're disturbing my focus."

the funny thing is, he was quite serious.

i love him so.

(my second favorite picture. i look constipated, he looks like an elf)

happy birthday, brother =)

%

When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire

The title is from the beginning of this song which I happen to like.


Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead

(2:58 is my favorite part)

As for my main purpose of this post..

Memories were fine, but you couldn’t touch them, smell them, or hold them. They were never exactly as the moment had been, and they faded with time.

~ Cecilia Ahern
P.S. I Love You

I know that quote clashes horribly with the first quote in my last post, but it kind of reflects how I feel at the moment.

I feel nostalgic, and I want to be a kid again.
I'm worried about forgetting things, so I made a vow to take more pictures, more videos, and write down more memories.

Here are a few, though, that I don't believe I'll ever forget:



1- When I was about 10 years old, my family and I were in Lucerne, Switzerland.
We were at the lake feeding the birds one day, and pretty soon we were down to our last piece of bread, so my older brother Muayyad and I started fighting over it.
He snatched it away from me, crumbled it up, then threw the crumbs at me.
Suddenly…
All the swans and ducks literally CHARGED out of the water, and the pigeons attacked me.
They started pecking and nibbling at me like crazy.
I was screaming my head off.
My family was laughing.
A group of people formed a circle around me and watched the free entertainment.
A random Japanese guy pulled out a camera only slightly bigger than his body, took a picture, then walked on.
And after the debacle was over, I noticed that some gracious pigeon left me a smelly gift on my shoulder.
I cried all the way home.


2- When I was 4 years old, that same brother thought it would be a good idea to practice his barber skills on me. He took me to my parents' bathroom and locked the door. He then proceeded to whip out my dad's razor… and shave my head.
Unfortunately my parents didn't take any photos of the bald me.
I wonder why.


3- About a year ago, four of my friends were sleeping over. We got the midnight munchies so we decided to order Domino's Pizza.
We wanted an order of Chicken Kickers.
Except we couldn't remember what they were called. This is how the conversation went.

"So we want… 1 vegetable pizza. 1 cheese pizza. And one Popcorn Chicken please."
"Ummm we don't have those…"
*another girl grabs the phone*
"What do you mean you don't have those? Pop Chicken!"
"Sorry ma'am… We don't have that on our menu."
*another girl grabs the phone*
"She meant Chicken Pop!"
"No ma'am.. I'm pretty sure we don't have that either."
*I get excited because I'm certain I remember what they're called and I grab the phone*
"NO THEY MEANT CHICKEN BALLS!"
*surge of euphoria*
".................. (silence)"
"… Oh. Guess not…"


4- Then we walked all the way to the main gate of the compound I used to live in, to pick up our order.
We had to pass by the main street.

We got the weirdest looks ever.
Maybe because we all looked a bit like this.

(my sweet sister and I)

We actually put on our pyjama's specifically to walk to the gate dressed like that.

Good times, good times.


That's enough memories for now.
Tell me about one memory you'll never ever forget!

%

Move to the city; lose all your heart

music/photos/quotes time!

better than happy meals.

enjoy!

p.s. still searching for a new site with music codes.

tell me whether or not the song works cos this player is really bipolar

The Rumble Strips - Girls and Boys in Love

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it."

~ Mitch Albom

(Eddie's wife, The Five People You Meet in Heaven)

Grown-ups like numbers.

When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters.

They never ask: “What does his voice sound like?” “What games does he like best?” “Does he collect butterflies?”

They ask: “How old is he?” “How many brothers does he have?” “How much does he weigh?” “How much money does his father make?”

Only then do they think they know him.

~ Antoine de Saint Exupéry

The Little Prince

“Being alone, it can be quite romantic
Like Jacques Cousteau underneath the Atlantic

A fantastic voyage to parts unknown

Going to depths where the sun’s never shone
And I fascinate myself when I’m alone”

~ Andrew Bird

"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales.

If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."

~ Albert Einstein

The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad.

~ John Mayer

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What?! You too? I thought I was the only one!"

~ C.S Lewis

"Who has never killed an hour?

Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes.

The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish.

So you kill the hour.

You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream.

If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep.

And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body.

The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share."

~ Mark Z. Danielewski

House of Leaves

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

~ Jim Morrison

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

~ Marianne Williamson

"The running boy is inside every man."

~ Mitch Albom
The Five People You Meet in Heaven

"When you don't fit in, you become superhuman. You can feel everyone else's eyes on you, stuck like Velcro. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you're still standing right there. You can scream, and nobody hears a sound. You become the mutant who fell into the vat of acid, the Joker who can't remove his mask, the bionic man who's missing all his limbs and none of his heart. You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can't even remember what it was like. "

~ Jodi Picoult

Nineteen Minutes

"If you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down on you anyhow. And if you're trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone."

~ Morrie Schwartz

(from Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom)

%

Danya + Kitchen

= not a good combo.


I nearly burnt down the house two days ago.

I was home alone and I was starving. I suddenly really wanted French fries. So I decided to make some.

Like I said, I was starving, and hence even more impatient. So I set the stove on high and waited for the oil to heat up.
And then…
The phone rang.
So I went to answer it and it was my dear friend JJ who, much to my dismay, tends to talk a lot. Not that I don't talk a lot. Just not on the phone. It's irksome.
Anyway. 5 minutes later I remembered the oil and I ran to the kitchen.

It was bubbling and smoking in the pan.
I freaked out and quickly grabbed the pan to take it off the stove…
And I accidentally spilled most of the oil on the stove.
And then…

WHOOOSHHHHH!

There was this huuuuuuge colossal fire all of a sudden.

(I may be exaggerating just a wee bit but.. come on.. put yourselves in my house slippers..)

(It was pretty big though.)

Anyway. I gasped and stared at it in shock.

I cannot even begin to tell you what was going on in my head, but it was something along the lines of…
CRICKET. SHIT. I TOLD MY DAD A THOUSAND TIMES TO BUY AN EXTINGUISHER. I mean, THIS WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN. I KNEW IT. WHAT DO I DO?! Water?! No I won't be able to carry enough here so I'll just fuel the fire and make it worse! Sand?! No.. that's too far away and what will I carry it with?! Oh man I don't even know the fire department's number! Oh my god if this fire doesn't kill me my dad sure will he's practically married to this house I mean we just moved here.. I wonder if maybe I get a few third-degree burns he'll feel too sorry for me and won't kill me…

I think at that point I began to realize that the fire was getting smaller and smaller until eventually it died out.
I sat on the floor and shivered for maybe 10 minutes.

I'm a survivor.

But anyway my cousin and I made steaks for lunch today and I successfully managed both not to burn the house down and keep all my fingers.

Awuppah!

Although I did have a little accident while peeling the potatoes but what's a little skin on my thumb…


My cousin enjoyed teasing me with the knife and laughing at me cringing away from it.

She thinks my fear of knives is illogical.

Illogical?

Excuse me?

Illogical?

Let's see here.

Is it sharp?
Check.

Is it lethal?
Check.

Has it been used to kill people?
Check.

(Just ask this dude)

I mean if someone were to point a gun at you, wouldn't you freak out? Why not a knife, then?
Clearly my fear is perfectly excusable.

As one last loving note, I must demand that you watch this video.

Now I won't torture you for long. Just watch it until about 0:35 when Miley starts to "sing." What made me laugh till I nearly died though was this comment someone left on the video:
"i love how patronisingly rihanna looks at miley."
God I love YouTube comments.

Sure they make you lose faith in humanity sometimes, but they are so amusing.

(p.s. Miley gets even worse around 1:30)

Okay that's it.
Thanks for reading and take care =)

Oh p.s. seriously, are you scared of knives, too?

%

And we’ll fill the metro skies with country air

September 21st was the International Day of Peace.

I'm kind of bummed that it went by without anyone here really making a big deal out of it.

I completely forgot about it until today. I knew something seemed familiar about the date, but for some reason I thought that peace day was on the 24th of October... but that's UN day! (And my friend Fatima's birthday). Stupid!

I saw an ad on TV for Peace One Day (the organization that helped officially kickstart peace day).

It had kids defining peace. It was really lovely and it made me tear up. They really hit the nail on the head, those kids. They see things more clearly than we do, sometimes.

I tried to find it for you guys but I couldn't :[ So I don't think it's an official Peace One Day ad, although they did show the logo at the end.

You can catch the full Peace One Day documentary here. I'm watching it now; I'm about 20 minutes through it.

This guy is really inspiring. I can't say I've seen many people as determined as he is. And he faced a room full of Arab politicians :p with the issue of Palestine bound to arise, it was pretty brave of him, if I do say so myself - no matter how bad he think he did.

I'm determined to find out as much about this as I can.

On a brighter note, is this not the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Nizlopi - JCB song

It made me smile like I just had Botox and my face was fixed permanently into a wide grin.

OPTIMUS PRIME!

And noticed Mary Poppins at the end?

I've been going around singing, "I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee! Drives me 'round in his JCB!" and annoying quite a few people but I don't care.

I also saw the most amazing fireworks display I've ever seen earlier tonight.

I swear it was like diamonds in the sky.

Whenever the fireworks disappeared they re-appeared two seconds later like twinkling diamonds. I'm not exaggerating; that's what it looked like.

I was in awe.

So ok that's it for today.

Happy late peace day.

On second thought.

Happy peace day!

Cos everyday should be peace day.

Yes I'm corny but I promise eventually you'll learn to deal with it.

%

Dear World

Dear left ear,
Seriously, when are you going to stop ringing?

The constant beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in my head is getting rather annoying.

Now I know you're doing your best,

and you're getting better,

but would you mind getting better faster?








Dear new housekeeper,
You're weird.

Does your diet consist mainly of socks?

Because I can't seem to find any of mine since you got here.

Actually, I can't seem to find many of my things since you got here.

Pens, headphones, headbands, bracelets, rings, tank tops – what do you do with them?

I know I'm not the neatest person, but it still drives me crazy when I can't find my things.

I know my room can be a mess sometimes, but it's a neat mess, I always know where everything is.

Until you got here, that is.

(The sad thing is, I'm too scared to confront you. Have you seen the size of your muscles?)








Dear AP chemistry,
Thank you for inviting me over for dinner.

However, next time, it would be nice of you to let me know that I'm going to be served as the main course.

You are feeding on my soul.
Please stop.









Dear dad,
Thank you for being the most amazing dad ever. I love you.
P.S. I had to go pee after I saw this old photo of you.

Never let Auntie Raja'a fool you into blow-drying your hair again.
Not that you have much left of that…
:P You know I love you.







Dear world,
Why are you so fascinating?
And why can't I drop everything and visit every nook and corner of you right now?

Dear former incarnation of me,
I'm pretty sure you were African... or Chinese.

Because these photos made my day.

Dear metabolism,
Admit it, I'm being really nice to you, aren't I?
I'm not eating as much as I used to, aren't I?
I'm just showing you that I appreciate you.
So please keep making everything I eat disappear into that little Mary Poppins bag of yours. Don't give up on me any time soon.
(However,I would still like to gain those 3 kgs.
My collarbone looks all anorexic-like.)









Dear somebody,
(**readers, brace yourselves, this is an angry one...)
Your endless strive to be perfect and control everyone sickens me.
It is so satisfying for me to watch things not go your way.
The imperfections in your life make me giddy with glee.
And I am so, so, so happy to be one of them.










Dear bookstore in Bahrain,
I'm still waiting for you to call me and tell me my copy of Everything is Illuminated has arrived. You told me it's going to take 3-4 weeks.
It's been 3 days.
Shame on you…






Dear readers,
Hi :)
Leave me a small Dear (something)!
Take care!

%

Meet Jeffrey the Robot + my bookshelves

so about a couple of weeks ago, i was watching the fireflies music video for the million and first time, and i thought to myself,

man i'd love to have a robot in my room.

and then, a few hours later, when i was on my bed, slowly drifting into sleep, i jumped up and thought,

why the heck not?!

and so i shared this dark dark secret with my dear cousin alia.

and we decided to make a cardboard robot.

he's not complete yet.

i have big plans for him.

but i am impatient and i want to show you guys.

so, guys,

meet...

Jeffrey the Robot.

he still needs arms and legs.

and we're going to glue a bunch of nifty gadget-like stuff to his torso.

+ a couple of other surprises you'll see later.

but yes.

isn't he awesome?

on another grand note,

guess what?

I FINALLY HAVE BOOKSHELVES.

(click to enlarge)

we moved a few months ago, and we haven't really officially settled in yet.

i hate my room.

mainly because i didn't choose the furniture myself.

my parents got sick and tired of waiting for me to find something i liked

(it's not my fault i want my room to look like a flea market and we don't have that kind of stuff here it saudi -_-),

so one day they surprised me by coming back from furniture shopping and telling me,

oh hey danya, guess what? we bought you furniture.

awuppahhh!!!

not.

it's all darkwood furniture, which sucks.

except the bed.

it's kinda cool.

it's japanese-style.

plus they failed to get me any bookshelves or something to store my stuff in.

BIG problem, with me being the pathological junk-hoarder that i am.

(that's why alia and i managed to make Jeffrey a bit quickly. i had a collection of toilet paper tubes. don't ask why)

so yeh that's why i'm a bit psyched about the bookshelves.

but anyway.
i discovered that i don't actually have as many books as i thought i did.

and you know what this means?

i need to stop borrowing stuff from the library.

cos i like to actually own the books i read.

plus the librarians are starting to think i have no social life.

pshaw.

i so do.

well not currently.

thanks to AP chemistry.

but anyway. here's my favorite part:

my jodi picoult collection!!!

and here's my least favorite part:

my torture tools collection.




annnd that's it for today.
hope you're all well.
tell me about your day, etc.


**p.s. blogger seriously needs to do something about photo options. some technologically-challenged people like yours truly really don't have the patience to go through flaming hoops just to post good quality photos.



take care :)



%

deafening silence

aloha! how are you kind people doing?

here's something new i wrote for my shnovel.

shnovel cos it isn't an actual novel, but, here we go :p

-

The world is full of paradoxes and oxymorons.

Deafening silences.
Military intelligence.
Unbiased opinions.
Natural make-up.
Wars against terror.

And feeling like a stranger in one's own home.

As I lay here on my bed, on the covers I've owned for six years now, covers that I've outgrown, covers that aren't being replaced no matter how many times I ask my mother to – I listen to the sounds of "my family's" chattering and laughter.

Me not being with them is akin to me being there.
What difference does it make?

I keep waiting for someone to knock on my door, to wonder, "Where the heck is that girl?"
But my waiting is in vain.
Because everyone knows I don't belong there, with them.
I should know that better than anyone.
If I go out there, I'm only going to end up running back here.
The only place where I don't feel claustrophobic. The only place where I don't feel like a fraud, like a sore thumb sticking out. The only place where I don't feel like clawing my way out of my own skin.

Because in here, I don't have to be anyone. I don't have to play a part. I don't have to laugh at all the right jokes, gasp at all the right places, smile at all the right stories, I don't have to tell any of my own.
I don't have to watch as people scramble to fill empty silences with empty words.

In here, silence is the language everyone speaks in.

In here, silence has a sound. It pulses from the very being of the room, from the off-white walls…
It's okay, it whispers to me.
It doesn't all have to make sense.
You belong here.
And you don't even have to try.

-

fin.

so, tell me something interesting; i'm kind of bored.

p.s. i need a new website to post music from. the one i've been using sucks. i just found out all the stuff i posted before doesn't even play anymore.

what the cricket?

so yes. any suggestions would be handy dandy.

see you!

%

A how-to and a really really really cool video

Okay so!

For those of you who asked how I made those polaroids from.. 2 posts back..

Go to this website http://www.poladroid.net/ and download the software.

It's seriously simple to use.

I am the most technologically-challenged person ever, and I was able to work my way around it.

Advice: Don't wait for the final result photo, cos the final result tends to be a bit too contrast-y that it doesn't really look like a polaroid. So what I basically did was, I right clicked on the photo every 10 seconds or so while the colors "set in," and I clicked "I want a sample now." Then, after the polaroid was completely done (there's a magic "DING!"), I opened the My Pictures folder, and chose the polaroid with the best colors.

You'll see what I mean when you use the software, sorry if I confused you.

But anyway, here's what the photos looked like before:

(I'd edited the contrast and the vignette options beforehand using PhotoImpact and/or Photoshop)

Ta-da!

OH and as promised, here's the really really really cool video:

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

*Watch it here if the vid's being stupid. But the quality on Vimeo is better.

Please, please, please be patient and give it time to load before you watch it so you get a smooth playback.

It's worth it.

I've watched it at least 10 times already, and I'm not sick of it.

It's called the Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium.

It's in Japan.

It's the second largest aquarium in the world.

And umm..

I really wanna go there.

So yes. Be good! Take care =)

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promises and ceiling fans

hey folks.

you know something?

insomnia sucks.

it really does.

so here's something i just wrote.

it's very sappy, and i can't believe i'm posting it.

but i surprise myself everyday.

-

They lay on their backs on the uncomfortable bed, knowing very well they'd rather be there than anywhere else in the world.
He traced an "I love you" on her thigh, and she felt it in her heart before anywhere else.

She inched closer to him, rested her head on his chest. She synchronized her breathing to his.
We are one now, she thought.
I'm yours, he thought.

She listened to the low whir of the turquoise ceiling fan; she listened to his slow breathing; she listened to his steady heartbeat…

Until his heart was the only thing she could hear. It pounded and echoed in her head like thunder, blocking out all the peaceful sounds from just a few seconds before.

She pulled away abruptly and lay down on her back again.

"Are you okay?" He asked, finding her hand and holding it.
"I'm fine," she said.
"You don't seem fine…"
"It's nothing," she laughed apprehensively. "It's just…" And she fell silent.

He watched her for a bit, sensed her embarrassment. He gently placed two fingers under her chin and made her look at him.

"It's me," he whispered. "Tell me."

"It's really nothing. I've always been just a little spooked out by the sound of a heart beating. To me… it sounds like a time bomb ticking away… A reminder of how easily things could go wrong. Like it's counting the seconds we have left on this earth… Until one day, we'll hear it beat for the last time."

He was quiet for a long time, until she was certain she had scared him. She cursed herself and her inability to hold her tongue.

And then, finally, he spoke.

"You may be right… But to me, it's just a reminder of how vulnerable we are. We humans have grown too cocky; we think we are invincible. We do hard drugs, drive fast cars, smoke lots of cigars - and death always hits us like a brick wall; it always shocks us. I think our hearts just serve as a reminder of how fragile we are… But also a reminder of how strong and otherworldly love can make us."

He took her hand and placed her palm on his heart. She stared at him for what could have been an eternity, or maybe just a second.

And then she rested her head on his chest again, and listened to the heart she knew she'd keep safe for the rest of her life.

-

extra cheese for me, please.

also, i realize it's in third person, unlike the other excerpts i've posted, but... i'm having trouble deciding whether i should do it in third person, or first person.

i think first person is the right way to go, since i'm planning on writing from other characters' perspectives, too.

i dunno.

decisions, decisions.

so in my next post i'll tell you how i made the polaroids from my last post.. for those of you who asked.

thanks to all of you who told me they liked them.

i like you too.

take care

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