She-Hulk

That video is adorable, I must say.



Alright so I went to the mall today. Here are the highlights of the day:



Highlight #1: The She Hulk Destroys Her Bras

I went to the mall because I had a mission – bra shopping.

I destroyed two bras while trying to put one on after I took a shower today. I was just pulling the first one over my head when I heard that unmistakable RRRRIP that had me giggling for a while. My bra ripped in half. That's never happened before. And I know I haven't gotten any bigger – oh contraire! I've lost 5 kgs and I don't even know how. I'm eating more than ever, sleeping more than ever, moving around less than ever – statistically speaking, I should be giving a Hummer a run for its money.


And when I tried to pull the second one on, THE SAME EXACT THING HAPPENED. This time I only gigged for two seconds. Then I frowned. Well, that's not cool, I thought. Now I only have one bra left! (I don't like any of my other bras, so I never use them).

So I put on my last bra carefully, meticulously, as if it were a fine piece of glass, or a very delicate slice of cheesecake. It didn't rip. Score.

My friend Lumberzack had everything to say about this, from calling me a She-Hulk to making this snarky comment:
"Danya: ME NO LIKE BRA ANYMORES! RARGH!"

Which naturally pissed me off, until I visualized myself as a primitive woman, with mud and dirt and leaves in my hair, muttering and mumbling and growling, with a club in one hand and a tattered bra in the other… then I was in hysterics.



Highlight #2: Let's All Get Married

So as soon as I got to the mall, the first thing I did was go to the food court (naturally). My mom was waiting for me at a table when I finished, and she told me that she'd invited my friend Deema (Sad Girl) to join us.

When Deema got there and my mom drifted away, she told me about the conversation she had with my darling mother on the phone. This is how it went:

My Darling Mother:
"So Deema, I was talking to Muayyad [my older brother] earlier today on the phone, and we started discussing marriage. And I asked him, 'What about Deema, dear? Why don't you love her? She'd be a great addition to the family.'"

Deema (Queen of dealing with awkward moments):
"Oh that would be splendid! Then let's get Danya to marry my brother Hisham, since they're both geniuses, and they can have little genius babies!"

My mother and I will have a little talk tomorrow.

I think her Arab roots are kicking in.



Highlight #3: "Is It a Jail?"

On the way back home from the mall with my uncle, my 13-year-old cousin suddenly pointed at a building on the right side of the road and said:
"Hey dad. What's that building? Is that a jail?"
Uncle: "No, you idiot. That's a college."
Cousin: "Ohhh… okay."

5 seconds later
Cousin points at a building on the left side of the road:
"What about that, dad? Is that a jail?"
Uncle: "…… That's a MOSQUE, son."
Cousin: "… Oh."



It's almost 5:30 am and I'm off to bed. Leave me a comment that'll make me laugh and we'll all live happily ever after.

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The Adventures of Mean Evil Girl

I have the nicest friends ever. I don't deserve them.

Sunday

My friend Deema calls me and tells me to go out with her because she hasn't seen me in ages. And when I explain to her that I don't have a ride and that I have to work on my AP chemistry course, she goes on a rant:

"Danya! What the hell?! We haven't seen you since you've moved to that country of yours. Seriously, it's a country, not a city. You guys are so isolated it's like… Swine flu!"
"Ummm okay…"
"Hey do you know that Jenna and Dana got swine flu? They're in Switzerland."
"Oh wow, are you serious? Are they alright? It's not very bad, right?"
"Nah they just have to take pills and be isolated for a while and stuff."
"*snorts* Ahahaha"
"… I tell you that two people you know got swine flu, and you laugh? You're so mean."
"Nooo it's just… I just got that swine flu joke you made about where I live… It's so true."
"Ohhh… *snorts* ahahahaha."

So anyway. I promise her I'll wake up at 5:30 am the following day and catch a ride with my dad, since he is the only way out of Swine Flu Land. I tell her that he'll drop me off at her house on his way to work, and then I'll crash in her house.

Monday

2:30 pm

I wake up. Oops.

I send Deema a message:
"Ummm. This mean evil girl overslept and didn't wake up to go with her dad. She feels so bad and she's too scared to tell you, so I'm telling you for her. Please forgive her."

2 minutes later

"Are you kidding me? -_- Ya kalba! [Translation: You dog.] Tell the mean evil girl that this sad girl doesn't want to talk to her until she sees her face -_-"

… Fair enough.

9:30 pm

Mean Evil Girl realizes that she has an appointment the following day.

Correction: Two appointments, in a row. One at 7:30 am, the other at 8 am.

Mean Evil Girl's punishment for not waking up at 5:30 am on Monday:
She must wake up at 5:30 am on Tuesday.

*sigh* Karma. Gets you every time.

Mean Evil Girl realizes that this means she'll have to wait around in Aramco until 9 pm, when her father finishes work and the lecture he has to give. Mean Evil Girl is sitting on the horns of a dilemma, and things are getting quite painful. Mean Evil Girl crosses her fingers and sends Sad Girl a message, for Sad Girl is her only hope…...

"Hey Sad Girl. Mean Evil Girl is wondering: What are you doing tomorrow?"

4 minutes later
"What time… Evil Girl -_-?"

"8:30…. am?" *gulp*

"Well I have this lunch thing at 2 pm….. but I'm free afterwards?"

To which Danya - I mean, Mean Evil Girl, replies with an explanation of the little conundrum she is going through.

Sad Girl says that she will pick Mean Evil Girl up from the hospital at 8:30 am, have breakfast with her, then watch movies all day.

Mean Evil Girl is stunned. "But… what about your lunch plans?"

Sad Girl: "I just told them I can't make it."

Mean Evil Girl makes half-hearted attempts to convince Sad Girl to stick with her lunch plans, but Sad Girl insists. Mean Evil Girl yields to Sad Girl's demands….

Tuesday

Mean Evil Girl and Sad Girl have a blast.

They have breakfast at Pattis France.

They go back to Sad Girl's house and watch 17 Again (Lame. Very 13 Going on 30. And Zac Efron totally killed all Matthew Perry's attempts at saving the movie).

They go have lunch at Fuddrucker's.

They play in the kiddie arcade.

Then they go back to Sad Girl's house, talk about college, sleep, and talk about college.

Then Mean Evil Girl goes back to Swine Flu Land.

The End

P.S. On the swing carousel (or Chair-O-Planes?)

I discovered that I'm now afraid of heights.

P.P.S. Bonus! >> How do you wake up Lady GaGa in the morning?

Answer:
Poke her face.

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