Dear World

Dear left ear,
Seriously, when are you going to stop ringing?

The constant beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in my head is getting rather annoying.

Now I know you're doing your best,

and you're getting better,

but would you mind getting better faster?








Dear new housekeeper,
You're weird.

Does your diet consist mainly of socks?

Because I can't seem to find any of mine since you got here.

Actually, I can't seem to find many of my things since you got here.

Pens, headphones, headbands, bracelets, rings, tank tops – what do you do with them?

I know I'm not the neatest person, but it still drives me crazy when I can't find my things.

I know my room can be a mess sometimes, but it's a neat mess, I always know where everything is.

Until you got here, that is.

(The sad thing is, I'm too scared to confront you. Have you seen the size of your muscles?)








Dear AP chemistry,
Thank you for inviting me over for dinner.

However, next time, it would be nice of you to let me know that I'm going to be served as the main course.

You are feeding on my soul.
Please stop.









Dear dad,
Thank you for being the most amazing dad ever. I love you.
P.S. I had to go pee after I saw this old photo of you.

Never let Auntie Raja'a fool you into blow-drying your hair again.
Not that you have much left of that…
:P You know I love you.







Dear world,
Why are you so fascinating?
And why can't I drop everything and visit every nook and corner of you right now?

Dear former incarnation of me,
I'm pretty sure you were African... or Chinese.

Because these photos made my day.

Dear metabolism,
Admit it, I'm being really nice to you, aren't I?
I'm not eating as much as I used to, aren't I?
I'm just showing you that I appreciate you.
So please keep making everything I eat disappear into that little Mary Poppins bag of yours. Don't give up on me any time soon.
(However,I would still like to gain those 3 kgs.
My collarbone looks all anorexic-like.)









Dear somebody,
(**readers, brace yourselves, this is an angry one...)
Your endless strive to be perfect and control everyone sickens me.
It is so satisfying for me to watch things not go your way.
The imperfections in your life make me giddy with glee.
And I am so, so, so happy to be one of them.










Dear bookstore in Bahrain,
I'm still waiting for you to call me and tell me my copy of Everything is Illuminated has arrived. You told me it's going to take 3-4 weeks.
It's been 3 days.
Shame on you…






Dear readers,
Hi :)
Leave me a small Dear (something)!
Take care!

%

Lick it off the floor

Today I had the most enjoyable lunch of my life.
With my family, believe it or not.

Our housekeeper went back to Indonesia on Friday, so we're going to see if we can live without a maid (I don't like that word) for a month. It should be very.. very interesting.

So anyway, to avoid having to clean anything she shouldn't have to clean, my mom said that anyone who spills a drink or something has to lick it off the floor/table. And I for one -being the pathologically uncoordinated klutz that I am- am really worried.
I know she doesn't mean it literally, but cleaning worries me too. Germs either way.
I mean the soggy mops and sponges that have been used over and over again….. they make my stomach churn.

In any case. I dared my brother Majd to drink my leftover Pepsi that I'd mixed with my leftover vegetable soup. He slammed his hand on the table and basically told me to put my riyal where my mouth was. I know that the secret to haggling is starting with a really low price so I said,
"Fine. I'll give you….. *mentally goes through purse* 5 riyals."
Majd: "Make it a 10 and we have a deal."
Danya: "Deal."
I felt like a real hustler.

So he drank it. And it was so funny I laughed till I cried. He started out okay, drinking it really fast… Suddenly his face went green and he spit something out. "Carrot," he gasped. Then he drank the remaining Liquid from Hell and only spit out a tiny bit because he felt like he had to throw up. Then he ran to the bathroom and I could hear him, all the way from the dining room, while he made weird gagging then gurgling noises. Yep, he definitely deserves those 10 riyals.
And yes, I concur, I do need to grow up.

So then we split the post-lunch duties between us. My mom took the dishes, my brother took clearing the table, I took cleaning the table, and the floor, and my dad took….
The TV.
("No, dad… Please… you're overworking yourself, this can't be good for your health. We must switch tasks, I insist!")

And my sister Zeina complained about not getting any tasks.
Suck up.
Nah, she genuinely wanted a task.
Weirdo.

So my evil genius of a brother decided to take advantage of that. He called her Agent Z One and told her to assist him in clearing the table (because it's such a daunting task, you know). So she started carrying the soup to the kitchen but she nearly dropped it after a few milliseconds, so Majd grabbed it and started walking, but he spilled loads on the floor.
"CRAP! NO! I don't want to lick it off the floor... I don't want to lick it off the floorrrr...."
He ran to the kitchen and got a cleaning towel sponge thing (I'm sure there's a fancy domestic name for it) and started violently scrubbing the floor. My dad saw him cleaning after the accident and followed him to the kitchen, where my mother was. Majd gave him pleading looks, but the mischievous look in my dad's eyes told me that Majd was already a goner.
"Majd?! You spilled soup on the floor?!" But my mom only laughed (damn shame).

So then it was my turn to wipe the table, but Zeina was being really annoying. "Let me help let me help let me help! Pleeeeeeeease. Pretty pretty pleeeeease with cherries and a Hannah Montana poster on top."
I had to get her off my back.
"Zeina... I mean, Agent Z1," I said. "I have a task of utmost significance. Can you handle it?"
She nodded eagerly.
"I need you to find.... my bunny-shaped night lamp." (Needless to say, I don't have one, but my sister is not the sharpest tool in the toolbox, so she ran off happily).

My brother was having the time of his life, watching Zeina being bossed around. He may laugh now, but when he was her age, my other brother Muayyad and I used to play the old Power of Fire trick on him whenever we were too lazy to get up and get something ourselves.
So for example, if we were watching Power Rangers, and we wanted some chips, we'd tell Majd to get us a bag of chips. He'd always decline at first, but then we'd say, in a bribe-y voice, "We'll give you The Power of Fiiiirrreee….."
"Okay okay!"
So then we'd basically point at a random spot on the floor and say:
"I hereby give you…….. THE POWER OF FIRE!"
Then he'd jump into it, receive The Power of Fire, then run as fast as he can to the kitchen, get us whatever we wanted, then come back.

Good times, good times.

Anyway, my sister came back with a frown on her face.
"I didn't find a bunny-shaped night lamp. Give me another task!"
"Oh… that's okay. But Zeina, I saw what you did back there."
"What?"
"Don't play mind games with me."
"What did I do?"
"Zeina *stern glare*"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." (looking guilty)
"Mmmmhm. Sorry for what?"
"I'm sorry I made fun of you."
"A-HA! You made fun of me. You're fired, agent Z1."
And so she stalked off, fuming.

God I amuse myself.