Dear World

Dear left ear,
Seriously, when are you going to stop ringing?

The constant beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in my head is getting rather annoying.

Now I know you're doing your best,

and you're getting better,

but would you mind getting better faster?








Dear new housekeeper,
You're weird.

Does your diet consist mainly of socks?

Because I can't seem to find any of mine since you got here.

Actually, I can't seem to find many of my things since you got here.

Pens, headphones, headbands, bracelets, rings, tank tops – what do you do with them?

I know I'm not the neatest person, but it still drives me crazy when I can't find my things.

I know my room can be a mess sometimes, but it's a neat mess, I always know where everything is.

Until you got here, that is.

(The sad thing is, I'm too scared to confront you. Have you seen the size of your muscles?)








Dear AP chemistry,
Thank you for inviting me over for dinner.

However, next time, it would be nice of you to let me know that I'm going to be served as the main course.

You are feeding on my soul.
Please stop.









Dear dad,
Thank you for being the most amazing dad ever. I love you.
P.S. I had to go pee after I saw this old photo of you.

Never let Auntie Raja'a fool you into blow-drying your hair again.
Not that you have much left of that…
:P You know I love you.







Dear world,
Why are you so fascinating?
And why can't I drop everything and visit every nook and corner of you right now?

Dear former incarnation of me,
I'm pretty sure you were African... or Chinese.

Because these photos made my day.

Dear metabolism,
Admit it, I'm being really nice to you, aren't I?
I'm not eating as much as I used to, aren't I?
I'm just showing you that I appreciate you.
So please keep making everything I eat disappear into that little Mary Poppins bag of yours. Don't give up on me any time soon.
(However,I would still like to gain those 3 kgs.
My collarbone looks all anorexic-like.)









Dear somebody,
(**readers, brace yourselves, this is an angry one...)
Your endless strive to be perfect and control everyone sickens me.
It is so satisfying for me to watch things not go your way.
The imperfections in your life make me giddy with glee.
And I am so, so, so happy to be one of them.










Dear bookstore in Bahrain,
I'm still waiting for you to call me and tell me my copy of Everything is Illuminated has arrived. You told me it's going to take 3-4 weeks.
It's been 3 days.
Shame on you…






Dear readers,
Hi :)
Leave me a small Dear (something)!
Take care!

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Hi Dad, Hi Mom!

I'm famous!

Well, okay, as close to famous as I can get.

Ri, The Music Savvy Mom, asked me for my shuffle! Ri has this nifty little (soon-to-be-huge) blog where she asks moms, procreators, or non-procreators (like yours truly) to set their iPods on shuffle then share the top 10 songs that come out.
When she asked me for mine, I was honored, and thrilled. Why not bless the world with a few selections of my enthralling taste in music? (Oh be quiet)

Y'all be sure to check her out and leave some comments. She's hilarious and insanely sweet.

Okay, reason #2 why I'm famous (who'da thought, ey? I have two reasons)

I got an award! From this lovely gal right here, Laila.

So, in the spirit of receiving this award, I'm supposed to list 10 things about myself. So here goes:

1. I have a terrible fear of crickets. That's why 'cricket' is one of my curse words. When something bad happens I yell, "Cricket!" You know what the problem is, with crickets? You just can't kill them. They always hop around like deranged lunatics whenever you attack them with a tissue box. So your only solution is bug spray. The problem is, I'm too scared to use that on them. I visualize a wheezing cricket, on the verge of dying, antennas wiggling – and I just know he's using those impossibly long antennas of his to communicate with his army of crickets, which will come harass me in order to avenge their lost brother. So I put the bug spray down and scream until someone rescues me. Except that never works, because usually a darling member of my family ends up squishing the cricket in a tissue and chasing me around the house with it.

2. You know that expression, "Your eyes were bigger than your stomach?" Yeh, that's never happened to me. I have quite the stomach, you see. I eat, a lot. If it weren't for my abnormal metabolism and my stick-thin father's genes swimming around in my body, I would never find a door that I'd fit through.

3. I'm very easily amused. Once I spent 30 minutes looking outside a window, chuckling at this newspaper that was being tossed around by the wind. That's why I laugh at the lamest jokes, including mine. When I'm bored I just have a little stand-up comedy skit in my head.

4. I am frighteningly lazy. I once watched two Spy Kids movies in a row because I was too lazy to extend my arm a few inches and reach out for the TV remote.

5. Building on #4, I suppose, I am, as the name of my blog so subtly suggests - a pathological procrastinator. The most repeated word in my vocabulary is probably: "Nyahhh... Later." This year, for example, I can count - on my hands, without having to take off my shoes and socks - the number of times I did my homework at home. I just copied it off people in the morning or during recess or crossed my fingers and hoped the teacher would forget about it.

6. I have a very strong aversion to physics. I hate that subject with a passion. A lot of things in physics don't make sense to me. And since my teacher never quenched my undying curiosity, I started hating the subject even more. Whenever I asked her a perfectly logical question, she took it as a personal offense - like I was challenging her authority or being blasphemous towards the holiness of Sir Newton the Fart. She's mastered the art of making students feel like the stupidest people on earth whenever they ask a question, while simultaneously managing not to answer their questions.

7. I like being nice to strangers. I smile at them if I notice them rudely staring, or I compliment them. I was once at this hair salon and I saw two sisters arguing – I assumed they were sisters, since they were bickering in that professional way only sisters can master. One of them was short and a bit chubby, the other one was tall, thin, and possibly beautiful if only she didn't look like someone had stuck dung underneath her nose and forced her to smell it. Dung Sister was getting married (she was wearing a white wedding dress), and she was giving her sister a hard time about something very mundane. Dung Sister stormed off and Poor Sister looked like she was about to cry. I piped up, "Sorry for asking, I'm just really curious – was that your sister?" The woman looked shocked, "Yes… How did you know?" I shrugged, "She looks like you… But you're prettier." And then I watched her face glow in a very pretty way indeed, and that still makes me feel good.

8. I have Futurephobia. Sometimes I get so worried thinking about things like majors and colleges that this dread fills me inside and the room feels very very warm until I calm myself down.

9. I still watch Barney. If I stumble upon it on TV, I'll watch it. And my 7-year-old sister will say, "Ewww Barney's for babies!" And I'll tell her wetting beds is also for babies. Then she'll shut up.

10. ……… I have a sticker book.

And in the spirit of receiving this award, I must pass it on to 5 bloggers. So the torch goes to...

An Experiment in Poverty

Desperate in Dubai

Something Like That

A "Cheery" Disposition

The Adventures of Rose Red

Take care, folks.

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The Adventures of Mean Evil Girl

I have the nicest friends ever. I don't deserve them.

Sunday

My friend Deema calls me and tells me to go out with her because she hasn't seen me in ages. And when I explain to her that I don't have a ride and that I have to work on my AP chemistry course, she goes on a rant:

"Danya! What the hell?! We haven't seen you since you've moved to that country of yours. Seriously, it's a country, not a city. You guys are so isolated it's like… Swine flu!"
"Ummm okay…"
"Hey do you know that Jenna and Dana got swine flu? They're in Switzerland."
"Oh wow, are you serious? Are they alright? It's not very bad, right?"
"Nah they just have to take pills and be isolated for a while and stuff."
"*snorts* Ahahaha"
"… I tell you that two people you know got swine flu, and you laugh? You're so mean."
"Nooo it's just… I just got that swine flu joke you made about where I live… It's so true."
"Ohhh… *snorts* ahahahaha."

So anyway. I promise her I'll wake up at 5:30 am the following day and catch a ride with my dad, since he is the only way out of Swine Flu Land. I tell her that he'll drop me off at her house on his way to work, and then I'll crash in her house.

Monday

2:30 pm

I wake up. Oops.

I send Deema a message:
"Ummm. This mean evil girl overslept and didn't wake up to go with her dad. She feels so bad and she's too scared to tell you, so I'm telling you for her. Please forgive her."

2 minutes later

"Are you kidding me? -_- Ya kalba! [Translation: You dog.] Tell the mean evil girl that this sad girl doesn't want to talk to her until she sees her face -_-"

… Fair enough.

9:30 pm

Mean Evil Girl realizes that she has an appointment the following day.

Correction: Two appointments, in a row. One at 7:30 am, the other at 8 am.

Mean Evil Girl's punishment for not waking up at 5:30 am on Monday:
She must wake up at 5:30 am on Tuesday.

*sigh* Karma. Gets you every time.

Mean Evil Girl realizes that this means she'll have to wait around in Aramco until 9 pm, when her father finishes work and the lecture he has to give. Mean Evil Girl is sitting on the horns of a dilemma, and things are getting quite painful. Mean Evil Girl crosses her fingers and sends Sad Girl a message, for Sad Girl is her only hope…...

"Hey Sad Girl. Mean Evil Girl is wondering: What are you doing tomorrow?"

4 minutes later
"What time… Evil Girl -_-?"

"8:30…. am?" *gulp*

"Well I have this lunch thing at 2 pm….. but I'm free afterwards?"

To which Danya - I mean, Mean Evil Girl, replies with an explanation of the little conundrum she is going through.

Sad Girl says that she will pick Mean Evil Girl up from the hospital at 8:30 am, have breakfast with her, then watch movies all day.

Mean Evil Girl is stunned. "But… what about your lunch plans?"

Sad Girl: "I just told them I can't make it."

Mean Evil Girl makes half-hearted attempts to convince Sad Girl to stick with her lunch plans, but Sad Girl insists. Mean Evil Girl yields to Sad Girl's demands….

Tuesday

Mean Evil Girl and Sad Girl have a blast.

They have breakfast at Pattis France.

They go back to Sad Girl's house and watch 17 Again (Lame. Very 13 Going on 30. And Zac Efron totally killed all Matthew Perry's attempts at saving the movie).

They go have lunch at Fuddrucker's.

They play in the kiddie arcade.

Then they go back to Sad Girl's house, talk about college, sleep, and talk about college.

Then Mean Evil Girl goes back to Swine Flu Land.

The End

P.S. On the swing carousel (or Chair-O-Planes?)

I discovered that I'm now afraid of heights.

P.P.S. Bonus! >> How do you wake up Lady GaGa in the morning?

Answer:
Poke her face.

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