Friday, September 4, 2009

promises and ceiling fans

hey folks.
you know something?
insomnia sucks.
it really does.
so here's something i just wrote.
it's very sappy, and i can't believe i'm posting it.
but i surprise myself everyday.

They lay on their backs on the uncomfortable bed, knowing very well they'd rather be there than anywhere else in the world.
He traced an "I love you" on her thigh, and she felt it in her heart before anywhere else.

She inched closer to him, rested her head on his chest. She synchronized her breathing to his.
We are one now, she thought.
I'm yours, he thought.

She listened to the low whir of the turquoise ceiling fan; she listened to his slow breathing; she listened to his steady heartbeat…

Until his heart was the only thing she could hear. It pounded and echoed in her head like thunder, blocking out all the peaceful sounds from just a few seconds before.

She pulled away abruptly and lay down on her back again.

"Are you okay?" He asked, finding her hand and holding it.
"I'm fine," she said.
"You don't seem fine…"
"It's nothing," she laughed apprehensively. "It's just…" And she fell silent.

He watched her for a bit, sensed her embarrassment. He gently placed two fingers under her chin and made her look at him.

"It's me," he whispered. "Tell me."

"It's really nothing. I've always been just a little spooked out by the sound of a heart beating. To me… it sounds like a time bomb ticking away… A reminder of how easily things could go wrong. Like it's counting the seconds we have left on this earth… Until one day, we'll hear it beat for the last time."

He was quiet for a long time, until she was certain she had scared him. She cursed herself and her inability to hold her tongue.

And then, finally, he spoke.

"You may be right… But to me, it's just a reminder of how vulnerable we are. We humans have grown too cocky; we think we are invincible. We do hard drugs, drive fast cars, smoke lots of cigars - and death always hits us like a brick wall; it always shocks us. I think our hearts just serve as a reminder of how fragile we are… But also a reminder of how strong and otherworldly love can make us."

He took her hand and placed her palm on his heart. She stared at him for what could have been an eternity, or maybe just a second.

And then she rested her head on his chest again, and listened to the heart she knew she'd keep safe for the rest of her life.

extra cheese for me, please.
also, i realize it's in third person, unlike the other excerpts i've posted, but... i'm having trouble deciding whether i should do it in third person, or first person.
i think first person is the right way to go, since i'm planning on writing from other characters' perspectives, too.
i dunno.
decisions, decisions.
so in my next post i'll tell you how i made the polaroids from my last post.. for those of you who asked.
thanks to all of you who told me they liked them.
i like you too.
take care



JJ said...

It may be sappy, but it's also beautiful.
Wake up already, I'm bored :( is this your revenge because I crashed on your bed?
'Cause that's just stupid, Danya.

I reckon you shoud post more often.

- JJ x

Anonymous said...

%. You already know what I think.

Moondust(: said...

D: what is really weird is that i hate listening to hearts beat too. like i hate feeling my pulse. It just creeps me out.

But i like this (:

timewilltell said...

Ay yi yiiiii I don't like them either! It reminds me of the Tell-Tale Heart... Not your excerpt, that is, but my general dislike of hearts. This is excellent though. I now share the same view of "the man." Very inspirational! Thanks for sharing. :)

Wuthering said...

ohhhhh the tell-tale heart... good memories. I love everything from Edgar Allan Poe.

again great analogy.

maybe you should do short stories. your analogies are so powerful, but, of course, how many analogies could you do in one story, ya know?

I really love this. Its wonderful that you talk about the fragility of the heart. So far sounds like people on this blog think about it.

for me, i never thought about it much, and probably lived my life most like the gentlemen in your story described, of course, that is why this story is just so fabulous- the description is sooooo true. maybe the first time i really thought about it was when i had a friend with a heart transplant.

Samar said...

You know what I think?
Try using second person. I've read a romantic short story in 2nd person and it was ah-mazing. Try it! it's unexpected and unique.

Nee. said...

That was very beautiful, I loved it. Keep up the great work girl!!

Miss Red said...

i hate that feeling when you can't fall asleep but you want to so badly!
great post =)

Ghost Writer said...

I loved this. It actually gave me shivers.

PinkSs said...

hey Dania. I'm new on the site and i don't know whether i'm supposed to comment on "people i dont know's posts" or not. But i just wanted to say that this is Amazing. I loved it, it's short and simple. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

That was particularly captivating. Reading your stuff keeps on pushing me to bring out the best in me (if any).

The analogy your use is amazing so much that I'm like O_o!! Great work, allah ybarek! :)

Anonymous said...

The analogy YOU* use... Pfft..stupid effin TYpose >_>