Saturday, May 16, 2009

Procrastinators Unite.................. Tomorrow.

Ah, procrastination. What a nasty, nasty disease.

It is... quite simply, indestructible. I tried, you know? I really did. I wrote to-do lists. I lured myself with rewards, food, and goodie bags. I made thousands of promises to myself. But it seems like the more I try to put an end to this cruel disease - the more symptoms I suffer from. It's like quick sand. The more I try to break free, the deeper I sink.
In fact, I've become so good at it, I can procrastinate procrastination. Who'da thought, ay?
Anyway. And hence - the name of my humble blog.. and the reason why we are all gathered here today.

You see, I've decided to channel my unquenchable passion for keeping things to the last minute towards a healthier, more fruitful habit: Writing. I do enjoy writing. I'm one of those people who like to blab on and on about nothing in particular, just because I can. I laugh at my own lame jokes, too. I mean, if I don't, who will? I amuse myself, really.

But that's besides the point. Where were we? Oh yes. I've decided to start a blog instead of wasting time on Stumbleupon. Not that I can give up Stumbling; I am a Stumblaholic. You caught me, mouse-handed. I bet Stumbleupon is just crawling with procrastinators like yours truly. No wonder it's such a safe lil haven for lil ol' me.
"Just one more click. *click* ..................... No I meant one more click starting now. *click* Oh I like this..... But not really. Just one more super-cool thing then I'll get back to that analysis, honestly... *click* Oh WOW Italian recipes! Let me just Like this.... Oh what the hell, just one more.. *click*......................"

You get the picture.

The good news is, I work well under pressure. I can keep an essay until the last minute then come up with something passable and get a passable grade. As some wise person said, "If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done."
I tried fooling myself into believing that procrastination is not causing me any problems. "Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted" and yada yada, right?! And the sad truth is, procrastination actually isn't causing me any problems! Not now anyway. I know that if I spend more than an hour on my essays I could probably come up with something better than what I usually hand in... But I never get bad grades for them. So why bother?!
I get this silly little bout of paranoia every now and then and worry that, if I do change, if I do cure my Procrastinationivitus Syndrome, things will all go downhill from there..... Procrastination is really the only method I've ever known, and it works just fine. Why risk a great thing?

Like I said, it's silly. But so are most fears.

Now, I'm not really the psychotherapy-loving, mumbo jumbo, you-are-this-because-when-you-were-a-child-you-did-that type of person - that would be my mother.
"Danya dear, how many times have I told you, you have to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. Bottom. Bott-ommm. This just proves what a messy person you are."
And I go, "Oh so now you can tell what kind of personality I have by the way I squeeze my toothpaste?"
"Of course. I read something about it."
Oh and it gets better. My mother believes that if I start squeezing my toothpaste from the "bott-ommm" of the tube, all my problems will be miraculously solved. She believes that actions can shape your mentality. Like when I used to walk with my feet pointing slightly inward, she kept telling me that this meant I had confidence issues, and if I start walking properly I'll start feeling more confident and my self-esteem will soar through the roof :)
Like I said, not my cup of tea. But I've recently started thinking long and hard about why I procrastinate. I came up with the following reasons:

1- Deep down, I am a perfectionist buried under layers of lethargy. I have this need to be perfect and do perfect things. So I keep giving half-hearted attempts at everything and tell myself that I can do better if I really want to.

2- Because it works. It bloody well works. I putt off doing something unenjoyable, by doing something enjoyable... And I enjoy it! There really isn't anything to elaborate on.

You know, they say that if you know what the problem is, you're halfway through solving it. Well, ok, I know I have a problem: I procrastinate. They also say that if you know the reason behind a problem, you're halfway through solving it.
Well. That's halfway... and another halfway..... According to the previous statements, I've already solved my procrastinating problem.

BULLPOOP. I'm obviously still a pathological procrastinator, otherwise I'd be finishing (starting) my physics homework, analyzing the rhetorical devices used in JFK's inaugural address, writing up a report on the question of the link between globalization and gender inequality for the Model United Nations conference we're having at our school, working on our "Empowering Laborers" presentation, studying Hadeeth, doing the Arabic homework, working on the EPGY grammar course, writing the Hadeeth article........... or doing the chemistry homework. And I'm pretty sure I left something out.

Ah, this is really sad. I am pathetic.

Paging Mr. Willpower. Is there a Mr. Willpower in the house?

I'll leave you folks with one final gem of wisdom:

"The two rules of procrastination:
1) Do it today.
2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow."

And a few cartoons that pretty much sum up my life:

Warm regards; be good.



Deema said...

DANYAAAA!!!!! :|
I absolutely and positively ADMIRE your writings, and guess what ! :O
I realized that your already-too-perfect essays sound even BETTER when they're NOT school related ! :O
Looking forward to reading more from you, my fellow procrastinator !
Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

I started reading through the 1st lines, but I got distracted by a shiny object falling down the stairs, so i decided to check what's that about 1st.
But then I came up and finished reading this. Haha, i absolutely LOVED it. You've quite a sense of humor that i "dig". Dig a hole , Dig a hole, Dig a hole! :D... كيييب إت أب!!!!!! :)

Sciteceains (or sumthin) said...

Yaaa the comments work , turns out u need to be logged in, any ways...

Congrats on the AMAZING post that is hopefully going to become a huge big Brobdingnagian blog.

And remember to remember all us little people when u become rich and start writing books and movie scripts like Juno

Ur off to the stars and beyond, that is if you bother to get up :P

Mayada M.H said...

Congrats then!! You have solved your problem!! Maybe when you know your problem and the reasons of your problem you're better of with it than without it if it still exists. Plus, it's a good thing to always have a reason to blame yourself, in your case it's procrastination, and in others' many more reasons :P :P

But i really don't get how u can do even better without el ta2jeel.. seriously.. i would like to see ur "better" articles that u "should" put more time into them..

and yes.. toothpaste is the reason why u are so messed up right now..

Anonymous said...

We will be cured.

Samar said...

Dude, I swear, you're now officially my favorite writer. Yes, more than Garcia Marquez.
Keep it up! I'm stalking you.

Anonymous said...

AMAZING!!! Danya, ur like my role model eb writing!! and ur so damn FUNNY!! hahaa!! dont worry i also laugh at ur lame jokes ;phaha j,k!.. Congrats on this great blog, and im looking forward to reading ur next blog posts !! :D:D

Noor said...

Amazing mshallah !!
I love it.. and I 100% believe in it and in you !!

Keep up the amazing work. x

Deema said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FRANNIE said...

You take me back, you really do.

Here's to putting things off until tomorrow. :)